Saturday, December 31, 2005

2005 a year I will never forget(warning long and personal)...

Hey groupies,this post is more for me to say somethings I feel like I need and want to say then anything else so its gonna be prettylong and personal. 2005 started out great I was engaged to the perfect girl and we were gonna get married in June I had the world by the balls and all my dreams were coming true. For the first time in my life I was truely happy and confident. However,then it happened she left. I knew we had our problems but what couple doesnt I always thought she knew she meant the world to me and I would do anything for her,apparently that wasnt enough. What shocked me the most was how cruel and cold she was about the whole thing, it was like she didnt even care like it didnt even matter to her. I guess I thought I deserved alot better than that. When that happened I really went off the deep end, it takes a lot to do that to me but this one sent me well past my breaking point. This made me do and say many things I regret and I wish I could apologize for but not many people could have possibly understood what I was going through. I spent the rest of Spring semester in a very very deep depression most nights I would go back to the room after class which I was skipping all the time and sit there with all the lights off and think and mope and cry. Finally one day Jon made me come to eat with him and the rest of the guys from the floor and bropught me into the group to play dota and halo and such, I owe him a debt I can never repay because he brought me out of the darkness and gave me partof my life back. He helped give me friends and a social life and a distraction from the pain. I still thought about it all the time but now I had a distraction and peopleto hangout with. The semester ended and my grades were way down, at least for me, and I limped home to try to fix myself. I spent most of the summer depressed just sittinga round thinking,out of anyone my dad was there for me the most after it happened several of my friends were too, but some people also turned their back on me when it happened, thats their choice and Irspect their right to make it. However, I eventually forced myself to realize that it wasn't me who left and I did everything I could to get her back and there was nothing else I could have done. I realize we both had faults and both made a lot of mistakes and I acknowledge my part in that, but I thought unending love honesty respect and loyalty wa senough to get through any of that. Like alot ofthings I didnt get over it but I learned to deal with it, like an injury that never heals it will always be there you just learn to function anyhow. I took the most devastating event that ever happened to me and I lived through it, I have learned from the mistakes I made and grown more mature and stronger and wiser than ever, but as I have explained these all came at a great cost one I wouldnt have paid willing. Oh well, I took these new found qualities and wentback to school hoping to get back on track and I worked hard and life has kind of returned to normal. I have continues to strengthen old bonds and made many new ones as well. I am very lucky to have such very good friends who care about me. I love all you guys and your one of the big reasons I came back to Morris, you guys abnd girls make Morris tolerable. I got my grades back to what they should be and I even managed to get myself another gf( hey i didnt think it was possible either) shes really cool, she always wants me around,and she makes me pretty happy, I dont know where it will go but I try not to think about that right now. One thing I learned in 2005 is that Icare immensely about things, about people things I do and things Iwant. I put everything into these things and thats what allows tobe hurt sometimes but if ya dont put everything into something itsnot worth doing. I dont know what 2006 will bring but I will face it head on and I will alwayskeep fighting andstruggling to survive and succeed I made 2 people that promise and I shall keep it. To close I just have a few more things to say and advice to give. One bit of advice I have is give them 10 minutes, this aphrase my dad uses alot butI think it's, if ya love someone give them 10 minutes to explain something or explain their point of view no matter how upset sad or angry you are give them 10 minutes and tryto talk itout. Now for some sappy stuff, to all you guys and girls out there I loveyou guys tremendously andyou can count on me for anything you ever need cuz I always be there for you guys, I hope you all have a great new year and are happy and safe. Peace and Love.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

A Quick Recap....

What's up groupies, it is I the one and only the v to the g the vanilla gorilla himself. Sorry I havent posted in awhile but the last two weeks were kinda busy, well most of it. First off, I had several papers to write revise and present, then I had finals week then I had tomove some stuff home. Finals week kinda sucked hardcore I had 4 finals this semester, welcome to my hell, the worst part was that my worst 2 finals were on friday, all I will say is that on those two finals I wrote a total of 30 pages and still didnt feel like I had fully answered all the questions ask. Even worse was the fact that I was really sick during finals week and it didnt go away til about a day ago. Oh well I managed to make it through and finished as best I could. I was also really upset by our school calendar, we start early and go late, we are on the same schedule as most community colleges in minnesota, how sad is that? We are a good university and should be on a real university's calendar. Anywayz I am satisfied with my performance this semester I was lucky and got 4 A's, now i just have to do that for 3 more semesters I can graduate with a 3.88 GPA now I know thats not that impressive but that would be semi liveable. Home has been okay I have got to hang out with Josh a few times in the last week that was really cool it was great to see him again, we had a lot of catching up to do.It's unfortunate he can only come back once every 6 months, I mean the guy is one of my best friends and seeinghim twice a year isnt really enough. Apparently a few other people I knew from high school wanna see me while I 'm home too, however I m not entirely sure how I feel about that and I am unsure whether I wanna see or hangout with any of them. Home so far has been really boring I spend alot of time watching tv and playing wow at nights, for those of you who are interested I'm lvl 41 now and I have my mount, it's pimp.Otherwise home is incredibely boring and I have nothing to do, except sit and chat with my dad occasionally. Dad said something really nice the other night to me, he said jake your a giant,to which I responded I'm not that big, he said I didnt mean your size I meant your heart. I thought that was really nice. Other than that I have no news or bits of interest so I'll call it a night. Remember the gorilla loves all his readers and wishes them love and peace into the new year. I love all you guys and girls and I miss all of ya.Peace and Love.


Tuesday, December 13, 2005

The Final Approach....

Hey everyone. Well as you can tell by the title finals week shall soon be upon me. This semester I have 4 finals but I m pretty sure I already have my grade locked up in 2 classes by I need a strong finish in the other two to get the grades I want. From here on in B's, B+'s, and A-'s just dont cut it anymore. Anywayz, not much else is new here. Saw the Chronicles of Narnia recently, was awesome definitely go see it if you have the chance. Went to Jen's post lsat party that was really nice, she was a great host and a good time was had by all. Thursday we are gonna go see the new Harry Potter movie so that should be cool. After finals next week I just plan on going home and relaxing maybe see a friend or two at home. I have several friends urging to come to the cities for a visit over x mas break, which I am strongly considering we shall see though, I really dont want to be an imposition upon anyone or their family. These days my mind is such a jumble of stuff its hard to think straight sometimes and even harder to fully maintain control. Sometimes I wish I could just forget things or not care. Unfortunately there are things I can never forget and I care about things immensely. I dunno, sometimes I just wanna lose control if only for a couple of minutes, but I cant.... Oh well thats the way life is I guess. Sorry if this post seems rather down my mood is much sadder and more depressing around the holidays(for reason read previous post)but I dont wanna drag you all down with me so I'll shut up and go to sleep and keep my thoughts and such to myself. I hope you all do well on your finals, happy holidays, drive safe wherever your going and remember the Gorilla loves you all, each and everyone of you.
Peace and much love.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

I may or may not be the cream of wheat man....

Hey gorilla groupies. That's right folks reports can neither confirm nor deny whether or not I am the cream of wheat mean or one of his direct descendants, ok enough of that. Sorry my posting has become so sporadic lately, Ihave just gotten very busy. Got my history test back, I got a 97, I kick myself for getting those 3 wrong but a 97 is acceptable and will have to do, still improvement is needed. I got a B on my first draft of my paper for Thorson, despite me knowing it was going to be bad that grade is unacceptable and I will be doing a lot of revising and rewriting before friday, just not now. I also have toread a book and do a book review for Bill on Thursday, Hence why I am blogging. I really need to pull a straight A semester to kick my gpa over 3.8 again and get back on track to achieving a tolerable gpa, right now it is simply unacceptable. Not much else is new here,pretty much life as usual, I try to sneak in some wow and dota when I can but its becoming more difficult these days, Especially with finals coming up. The semester went by pretty fast. I m also not a big fan of the holiays I havent had good luck with the holiday season for the last 7 years, something really bad seems to happen every year and I really dont expect this year to be any different. I also have to make some big decisions regarding my life coming up fairly soon, some people are aware of some they are not. If and when the time is appropriate then I will share if not I won't, but I will say some the stuff is fairly major. Don't worry it's nothing bad my parents arent dying and i'm not getting married or anything(that didnt work out so well for me the first time=(, actually it kinda left me in a wreck, anywayz enough about that I will just say some of the things am I considering are pretty big. Other than that nothing new or exciting to report, I ll try to blog again soon with more interesting and informative things to say,til then much love goes out to all my readers and friends out there, the gorilla loves ya.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Happy Thanksgiving...

Hey Gorilla Groupies, I realize today is not Thanksgiving but since I wasnt able to blog on turkey day I thought I would say it now. So much to talk about since last time I blogged, where to start ok here goes. We lost the football game to Spooner 19-7,however at the end of the game we were really playing well and had our stuff together and of course spooner wanted toquit causing the 2ndhalf tobe much shorter then the first, also we were screwed out of an interception in the firsthalf that would have made a big difference, complaints aside we played really well and I was very proud of everyone. I scored the one touchdown we had, so that was cool. However on the 8th play of the game,on a really bad throw I popped my shoulder out of socket, since I didnt have an easyway to get it back in right away I had to wait til after the game to pop back in, but I played anywayz no way that was gonna keep me from playing. More recently I left a big paper to do til the last minute and ended up workingonit three days before it was due, definitely not my best paper ever but we will see how it turns out.Took another midterm on Monday in my history class so I am anxiously waiting the results from that as well. The other night Pat and I had a mock UFC match in the hallway it wasnt really going anywhere and we pretty much fought to a draw then pat ran into a wall when i ducked one of his attempts to grab me,it looked like it hurt quite a lot.I felt bad, but it turned out he was ok ,just sightly dazed for a minute. Thanksgiving was nice, it was good to see my family and spend a little time with them. NowImust admit this year I am not thankful for much, because frankly this year hasnt given me anything to bet hankful for. However I am thnakful for one thing, I get to spend every day of the year with my family. Cuz even though only 5 months of it is with my biological family, I get to spend the rest with most of the people that read this and you guys are family and I love ya. Thats the one thing I am thankful for. Still have a lot onmy mind, this time oif the year always makes it worse but I will muddle through it, just hard sometimes very hard. The big push lately is for me to join facebook, not sure where I stand on the issue, more than a few ppl want me to join but we shall see, maybe in the future. Anywayz I love you guys and I hope this finds you all well, take care, have fun and remember most things are better when u add the Vanilla Gorilla.

p.s. you people should leave a comment now and then

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

About 3.50.....

Hey Gorilla Groupies. I finally got my last mid term back, the result a 95... sometimes it is better to be lucky than good. Also on a high note I got a 95 on my disputationes in the same class. I am quite relieved I got two satisfactory grades on these two things since they are both big chunks of my grade in that class... but like I said its prolly just luck. I am some what relieved now that I got all midterms back and they were all satisfactory, however now that those are done the papers will start and I have 2 big ones before the end of the year, a 12 to 20 for Thorson and a 6 page book review and analysis for Bill, oh well I will just hope for a positive outcome on these two papers. Work on the music video will also begin shortly and that is sure to be hillarious when we finish I will try and post the video or a link to it, I promise it should be worth watching cuz everything is better when you add the vanilla gorilla(lol omg yeah right). I must admit I find my mind wandering alot lately thinking about the past, the future, etc. I wont go in to detials but it occupies alot of my thoughts these days. I am going home on friday to change my oil and visit my parents, it will be nice to see them I know they wish I would come home more often. I know they worry about me alot so I hope to try to relieve some of that by visiting, talking,and projecting the image that I'm okay, I think they worry because for a long time I wasnt ok and they had to but I dont want them to worry about me or anyone close to me for that matter, whether I am okay or not is irrelevant I just dont want the people I care about to waste their time thinking and worrying about me. The truth is things would be pretty much the same if I had left town and life would have continued on as normal because everyone who reads this is a strong, wonderful,intelligent, emotionally stable person who really is fine on their own for the most part.Sorry folks that might have been me getting a little personal there but hey its my blog and I think I'm entitled to it every now and then. Anywayz I hope all my groupies are doing well and remember the gorilla loves you guys and gals.

Saturday, November 05, 2005


To all my freaks out there the Gorilla's in house so holla. I know I am the whitest guy ever but I'm ok with that. Not much is new since the last time I posted. My midterms have come and gone and the result was fairly good, the 3 I have gotten back so far have all been A's, I am still waiting on the fourth one. I am fairly disappointed that two of them were kinda low A's but an A is an A I guess, I guess thats just the perfectionist in me shining through. I am fairly frustrated with life these days, some times I just wanna lose it and get away from it all and just quit, but I know I have to stick it out because I m kinda stuck in the current situation. My major frustration is that I try to hold myself to very high standards of success and maintain a strong system of values, however most of the rest of the world doesnt. Maybe my cherished ideals of honor, fairness, and honesty are outdated, but I still believe in them no matter how difficult it is. There are a lot of other things I wish I could talk about but I cant so I'll just say that I have alot of things on my mind. Halloween was ok, I went as a pimp and later as a pimp bandito. I didnt put much effort in to the costume but we went to rocky horror as a group of banditos each with his own theme. The football game against spooner will finally happen this upcoming weekend, no matter who either side has present, yours truly is still quarterbacking so wish us luck. I registered for classes next semester and I am taking Con Law(with Thorson of course), modern political thought(with Bill Hunt), Medieval Europe(with Jennifer Deane), and Norse Saga(with Janet Erickson) so it should be an okay semester. Also did my disputatio today and that didnt go nearly as well as I hoped,I was ready to be challenege and put to the test instead I just came out and dominated the entire thing leaving no one unsure of who won, but it was entirely to easy, oh well I guess. Personally I think victory is more satisfying when you have to earn it against quality opponents not the ones from the bottom of the barrell. Other than that I dont have much to say. I would like to leave you all with a piece of advice that helps to get me by, as long as you can look at youself in the mirror and say this is honestly who I am and I m ok with what I m doing than nothing else matters, you do that and listen to your heart and the rest is easy. Anywayz thats all I got, as usual comments are welcome and the gorilla sends his love out to all his readers.

P.S. Bonus points if you can name the movie my title is from and the character who said it.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Another Year....

Hey Gorilla Groupies. Today is our big rematch against spooner since they destroyed us at ultimate frisbee,however today will be flag football, we wanted to play tackle but they are pretty boys and pussed out. It should be a good game and I think we have an excellent shot at winning, especially with yours truly quarterbacking haha jk. Anywayz come out and support us if you can or just root for us if you cant be there Oh yeah today is also Chris' b day so make sure you wish him a happy b day. Happy b day Chris. Oh I guess it's also my b day too, no biggy. Anywayz I would really like it if everyone would leave a comment and tell me who you are and why you read. That's all I got for right now I ll try to post again soon much love goes out to all my gorilla groupies across the world.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Sometimes Fate Smiles Upon Us....

Hello Gorilla Groupies. I really wish I had more time to post on here but most of you who read this maintain regular contact with me anywayz so its not a big deal. However since it has been awhile and I do have some news I thought I would blog. First and probably most astonishing is that I now have a girlfriend. For those of you who are having a heart attack or loss of breath take a moment to gather yourself then continue reading. I know you are all as shocked and amazed as am I. Her name is Susy and we have been going out for just over a week she is a very beautiful girl with an equally wonderful personality. I know many of you are asking how did Jake manage to get a girlfriend now or ever? The answer is.... I dont know... sometimes its just better to be lucky than good, but I am very grateful that we got together. In other news classes are going well, I seriously dislike the amount of reading I do but I deal with it, I will have all my midterms in the 2 weeks following fall break so that kinda sucks. I chose to stay in Morris for fall break, really not much else to do, Josh is in Washington, Winky is in Florida(do wookies swim and tan?), and everyone else is home, but since there is nothing to do at my house so I am staying here. I know I know I am very boring, oh well. Tommorow Brad and I are going to St.Cloud which should be a good time, Dana was gonna come but her job prevents her from doing so, damn orl and ra duties. Ummmm what else... I renewed my license today. Otherwise not much new or exciting in my jungle just the same old boring Jake. Everyone be sure to wish hippy Chris a happy b day this upcoming saturday and Jon a happy b day if you didnt on friday( his b day was on friday). Anywayz much love goes out to all my loyal readers.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Welcome to October...

Hey everyone. Once again I aplogize for the lack of posting these days, but it always seems like I have so much to do like right now I should be finishing up homework but I am simply not in the mood for that right now. I will try to blog more frequently but I cant guarantee that will be possible. Not a whole lot is new right now. I still read for a couple hours a day, I still hang out with my friends alot, and I m still the same old boring me. Right now I have a lot of doubts about a lot of things past present and future. For example, law school has been on my mind a lot lately prolly because I have a friend taking the test, and even though this person is very intelligent the lsat worries them too, I have this list of people telling me I can get into places like Harvard, Yale, and Stanford.I simply dont know, I m not very confident in that assertion, these are the 3 best law schools in the country where the best of the best go and I simply dont know if I belong in that category and I dont know if I will be able to earn my way into it, of course I m going to try but I simply dont know. I dont know if I could classify myself in the best of anything. I dont know I guess I really dont feel like I'm succeeding at much of anything these days or for quite a long time. Maybe its just my personality,my attitude,or something else. Maybe people would like it better if I acted differently,the short answer is I cant I would like to think and I really do believe I am pretty much the same guy I was when you all met me two years ago. Like I said right now I have a lot of doubts about a lot of things a lot of which I cant talk about here.I just hope things become clearer and the answers whatever they may be become apparent. Sorry folks if this post was kind of a downer but its late and I m not exactly feeling great right now, but regardless I apologize. I ll try to blog again soon with something a little more upbeat and exciting. Until then much love goes out to all my readers and gorilla groupies, this ape knows who you are and wont forget your support.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Even a journeyof ten thousand miles begins with a single step...

hey vanilla gorilla fans. Once again I apologize that myposting these days is so sporadic but between hanging with friends, homework, my job, and dota I keep pretty busy. I have actually cut back significantly on the dota playing, it doesnt amuse me as much as it used to and finding good balancd teams is becoming more difficult these days.Plus I usually have other things to do. I do so much reading these days its disgusting I just got done reading 80 pages of Plato and writing a positions card for it. It is so dry and boring and so many of the concepts are discussed way to long. Anywayz enough of that. I am working out again for those of you who dont know, it will take awhile for me to get fully back into the habit but me and other Jake are working out together, well I should say he lets me tag along. Another positive note is that several people have told me I have slimmed down quite a bit, I reached my max weight last year at 252 and then got down to 217 in the three months following Meghan dumping me, then this summer i got back up to 225 and thats what I weighed before I left and I know I have lost weight since I been back in Motown since I only eat once a aday most days. Also I have managed to cut alot of soda and sugar out of my diet so thats prolly helping too. Who knows before long I might look fairly attractive again(lol yeah right) but A guy can hope right? I have to admit that life isnt bad these days I finally feel like I m almost back to normal at least as normal as life can be for me. But I feel fairly good for the most part. The one thing that kind of does bother me is that people really seem to be trying to get me to lose my temper and or react to stuff this year. I can tell you that this wont happen, the last time I lost my temper I really didnt like who I was because thats not the guy who I am and thats not me and it cost me something important. I promised myself I would never do that again because I refuse to hurt myself or anyone else. I guess I m just not an agressive person really. I mean sometimes I think people wish I was more of an agressive guy and might like me better if I was but thats just really not me. Sorry.Oh well I am who I am and I accept that and I hope thats who you guys and girls want as a friend. A saying I like to tell people is that if you can look in the mirror each night and be happy with where you are, what your doing and who you are then the rest is just details and I really do believe in that. Other than that I dont have to much to say. I will say I have my eye on someone right now and I think she has her eye on me as well but we shall see. Other than that take care gorilla groupies and I love all of ya, and remember this gorilla has a big banana;)lol cmon I had to say it.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

A New Post to Read....

Hey everyone. Sorry my blogging has been pretty sporadic these days but I find myself being busier than I thought I would be. I spend alot of time reading everyday on average at least 2 hours usually more in the neighborhood of 3 or 4. However being a poli sci major with a history minor it kinda goes with the territory. I just wish I could read faster. Took a history quiz on friday and I am really pissed at myself for getting one of the answers wrong, it was one of those things where after I handed it in I realized I had made a mistake and knew the right answer but since I was going on 5hours of sleep and reading throught it too fast I marked the wrong one, oh well my bad shit happens sometimes. Other than homework I am usually just hanging out with people or playing Dota, I have been demoted to 3rd best Dota player but hopefully I will get 2nd back one of these days. We have now started to keep track of our dota statistics and anyone interested should go to the posted scores are next to the members zoo crew name so here is a chance to check on your favorite zoo crewers Dota standings. Yes I realize I am a huge geek for doing this but, oh well we have fun with it and thats what matters.This will also give you a chance to review peoples zoo crew names.Other than that just hanging out with my friends alot. Although I must admit that my attention is also being drawn in another direction, if you catch my meaning. However I wont say too much about that, I have to keep you all reading somehow, plus I m just a fairly private person. But possible updates may come in the future in regards to this issue so stay tuned. Maybe the ole vanilla gorilla still has a little game left in him. I will tell you all that the new kick this year is that I'm soft, I know that sounds odd but I am extremely soft to the touch and quite comfortbale to lay on and this seems to be a frequent topic of discussion this year and often involves many members of the zoo crew touching me which is very very weird. They also nicknamed me snuggles which I m not particuarly fond of but its not the worst nickname in the world. Yes I am fully aware that we are a bunch of weirdos but very lovable and harmless ones.We hvae also decided that I am the least evil of the group.I am somewhat disappointed that I am next to last on this list. I guess I m just a nice guy who is relatively sane, for the most part. Oh well thats about all I have to say for now. Much love goes out to all my loyal blog readers and friends.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

An Apology

Hey everyone. I know I posted a few days ago but I feel like posting again. I really dislike the amount of reading I am having do right now its pretty much 80 or more pages of reading every night. I can do it I just hate having to dedicate that much time to reading every night, but at least I don't have much homework that goes with it. I wish I wasn't such a freak and didn't feel like I needed to do all the assigned readings, but unfortunately I am and I do. Right now I feel kinda bad cuz I was kind of a fuck to my boys tonight while we were being dota, I m sorry about that guys my behavior towards you was unacceptable and I humbly apologize for being a fuckstick, I m especially sorry to Chris. Right now I have a lot of conflict going on and I think some of that accidentally seeped out and was misplaced towards some people who didn't deserve it, by no means does this excuse or condone my behavior but I hope it somehow helps to explain it ,at least a little. Tonight I went for a drive to try and clear my head, I Just got on 59 and headed south for about 20 minutes and then turned around and came back. It really didn't help in clearing my head at all. There are so many things I wish I could say and things I would like to explain, but I cant... Which unfortunately necessitates me keeping them to myself. After all discretion is the better part of valor. Also it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool then to open your mouth and remove all doubt. I know those both sound cliche but they are quite true when you think about it. Ya know sometimes I find myself thinking that I am a terrible guy in a lot of ways. As Jon is fond of saying I am a sensitive boy, and although I don't like to admit it a lot of the time I am, I cant help wearing my heart of my sleeve. I don't drink. I have no interest in strip clubs or sleeping with a bunch of different girls. What kind of man does that make me in a lot of ways. I m sorry if this post sounds like my own personal pity party but it is after all my blog and I have every right to do it every now and then. One final sentiment for the night much love to all those out there who I have lost in my lifetime.My heart goes out to all of you regardless of whether or not you read this. A lot of you have been my dearest friends and know more about me than most should. Regardless of how we parted ways I just wanted to say I love you all and some of you love cant even describe what I felt for you. Sorry just thought I needed to say that. Much love goes out to everyone else who reads this.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Patties, People, Prydz

hey everyone. The trip to St. Cloud was fun. I didnt end up ordering the pound and 2/3 burger, but nobody else did either. I ended up ordering a pound and 1/3 burger, so I am slightly less of a glutton but I also split an order of 18 wings with Alex and Chris, had I not had the wings maybe I would have tried the pound and 2/3burger but I simply dont know if I could bite through 5 patties let alone finish the whole thing. I guess I have no reason to wonder why I m such a big fat white guy. After bufallo wild wings we went to barnes and noble and then to best buy then back to Morris. All in all it was a really good time and it was cool hanging out with a bunch of the guys. Some of the freshmen are finally starting to come out of their shells and actually hanging out and talking. Although someone made a good point that Alex, Chris, Pat, Jon, and myself are kind of an intimidating group becuase of how tight we are. I can really appreciate a situation like that because its hard to walk into a situation where your the odd man out and everyone else is super tight, been there. But some of them are finally starting to open up. I would also like to announce some new additions to the zoo crew. Brad is the Chartruse Mongoose, Eric is the heliotrope antelope(yes heliotrope is a color is a purple), Russ is the Pale Quale, Dan is the Maroon Raccoon, and I forgot to mention that Chris is the Taupe Jackelope and Alexis the Blue Bunny. I know I know I am very silly and or stupid but its fun. Also we will be doing a music video which will be a fat white guy production starring the zoo crew to Eric Prydz's song Call on me. It is an awesome song and the video will be hilarious I promise. All I will say is victory dancing and fat white guys. I dont think I have much else to say. I have a lot on my mind right now and a lot going on inside my heart. But hey what else is new? Other than that classes are ok and I dont have anything else to say. Much love to all my loyal blog readers.

Friday, September 02, 2005

School and St.Cloud

hey everyone. Not much is new in life right now. Classes came and went this week with relatively little excitement. I meet with Thorson this Wednesday to discuss what our paper will be and when I will actually start working on it with him. I look forward to it, it should be very interesting since Thorson is brilliant in my opinion. I hope some day I will be in the same ballpark of intelligence. I dont even know about law school, Thorson seems to think that I can get into places like Yale, Harvard, Stanford, and Harvard but those are for the best of the best and I simply dont know if I am in that category let alone deserve to even be considered to be placed in that category. I guess we will see where I am at next year a 3.78 gpa isnt exactly impressive but I should be able to pull that up and my Lsat score will be a big part of where I end up, but the thought has come to mind recently when briefly talking to Jen, I bet she will get a really good score on the lsats. I ll prolly pick her brain afterwards for some insight. Tommorow we are going to buffalo wild wings in st cloud to see how many of us can eat 1lband 2/3 burger,I think I probably can but we will see. Other than that not much to report. Found out somethings recently that have really made me think about a lot of stuff. One comment that somebody made was that we all need each other,this made me think what would the group dynamic be if I had not returned to Morris. Would it be any different if I had gone anywhere else? I dunno I really cant see it being any diffrent without me than it is with me. I mean I know a few people would miss me but it really wouldnt affect their lives significantly and I know they would all be fine. Oh well thats my self indulgent thought for the post. I hope this post finds you all well and your enjoying being back in motown stop in and say hi if you havent yet.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Good Titles are Hard to come by...

So the first day of classes came and went. Pretty Standard for a first day I would say. Introduction, handing out the syllabus, explaining the syllabus, and finally dismissing class. Luckily all my profs were very good about dismissing in a timely manner. Everyone is back at the dorm now and it is nice to see them all again. The group is slightly different from last year but once again we have a good group of guys. Jon, Pat, Chris, Me, and Alex is kinda the groupwe have right now, even though Alex is only a freshmen it is scary how good he fits in, it is like he has been here for several year plus hes just a great guy as is everyone in our group, except maybe for me. The freshmen this year are areally quiet but I have managed to meet a few of them and they have a lot of potential. Brad is a funny loud fat guy who fits in well with Pat and I, Quiet Chris, Eric, and other Jake all have a great deal of potential I think, but it takes time to open up and get comfortable with people. Tonight we watched Euro Trip which was hilarious, if you havent seen this movie you definitely should. I really like movies because the main character always manages to come out on top after getting dicked. I guess thats my subtle(or not so subtle) way of saying I have alot on my mind. But I wont go in to details and ramble on forever. Played a few dotas and Chris and Alex are coming along quite well they just need more practice, Jon is his usual dominating self, and Pat is also quite excellent as usual. Other than that I dont have anything that I'm willing to share. I hope everyones first weekof classes go well.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

A Place where the Past, Present, and Future Converge..

hey everyone. Well, what can I say I am back in Morris. I can honestly say that 6 months ago I didnt know if I would ever be returning to Morris, I even tinkered with the idea of dropping out back then, but I gutted it out and survivd the semester. Then this summer came, two months and a lot of thinking I did decide to come back. Part of me is glad to be back and part of me isnt. Needless to say on a lot of levels this is difficult for me, but I am confident I will survive. Moving in today went relatively well, however it went rather slow. I wish they would replace the hardware on the beds sooner than once every 50 years so it wasnt so difficult to disassemble then. Also for what they charge to rent a loft and deliver it, it would be nice if they set it up for you then again we are in Morris and well quite frankly orl sucks ass. We do get hbo now with our cable package and we dont have to pay a separate charge for cable this year. However knowing Morris and orl this is sure to come with some sort or horrible catch for the hbo you have to pay with 10 gallons of goats blood or something like that and for the no cable charge we will be subject to rolling black outs. The set up of our room is quite different then it has been in past years but I think its fairly cool.Tommorow I shall assist in the moving in of freshmen noobs I also hope to acquire a parking permit and my books then i will be ready for school to start on monday. SO... have you ever learned something that made you happy, sad, angry, helped things make sense and raised more questions all at the same time, I wont go into details but its weird for a single thing to do that but its true. I also must say my opinion about several people I know has changed significantly recently some for the better some for the worse. Not that I care to address any of these folks in person because I know most of them wouldnt like what I have to say but my opinion has changed none the less. So basically I will just continue operating my standard way of thinking what I want while not saying what I actually think. Oh well thats all I have for now I am sure I will see you all soon..

Saturday, August 20, 2005

I want the truth, you can't handle the truth

Hello everyone. Last night was my last night of work, it was very quiet and slow which made me happy. I got alot of hugs from the girls I work with and handshakes from the guys in addition to alot of we will miss you's. I've gotten used to saying goodbyes frequently, especially the last few years, so it doesnt really bother me anymore to leave something like a job. However I will concede that some good byes are much harder then others and some stay with you for a long time. The most amusing story I have from this week was when I was helping this couple at the front desk and they were both very drunk, so as I was checking them in the woman was staring at me and finally said wow you have really really red hair. Then they both started laughing, needless to say I was less than amused at this. Also, I always kinda thought that my hair was more orange.( Please voice your opinion by answering the survey question at the bottom of this post) Other than that work this week went relatively smooth and uneventful. I will need to stop in sometime soon and collect my 2nd to last paycheck. I will prolly end up doing that on tuesday. The situation with my car stereo has taken some annoying twists and turns but it will soon reach resoultion. The original site I ordered my speakers from is a horrible business and I reccomend no one ever do business with them.10 business days and my speakers are still not here, this is absolutely unacceptable. So severeal days ago I canceled the order and plan on returning the speakers when and if they arrive. Instead I went through Crutchfield and I highly reccomend them for any purchses involving car stereo equipment.Not only are the prices quite fair but I received the order 2 days later. This time I spent more money and ordered higher quality speakers,Infinity Kappa's very good speakers.Monday I will be having the complete system installed in my car and Tuesday I will have it back at which time I will journey to Fargo to do some shopping, pick up my paycheck, and maybe eat some Culvers. I may have to drag Pat to Fargo with me to accomplish what is needed becuase I believe he also arrives on Tuesday, however this can be easily accomplished through the offering of Culvers and Krispy Kremes. Then on Wednesday we go back to school. The day is approaching quickly. Those of you wondering about the name and format changes should refer to previous posts when I said changes were forth coming.
SURVEY QUESTION: What color is Jake's hair?
A.I think it is red.
B.I think it is ORnage.
C. I think it is( Insert yourown color or combinationof colors).
That is all I have for now. Remember there is a reason people are afraid of the dark.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Whose Got a Dime? Someones Gotta Go Back and Get a Shitload of Dimes.....

hey vanilla gorilla fans. Yes, once again it is extremely early in the morning and I am bored therefore I am blogging. Tonight will be the first day of my last week at work and then on Thursday I'm done for the summer. I really enjoyed my job for themost part, except the karokee and all the money I spent on gas. Although as far as gas is concerned I have been getting off easy compared to what the Rhino is paying in SoDak. But the income from my job will be put to good use(ha!) I ll have my insurance covered til May, a pretty sweet system in my car, my loft(which I will find a way to make pimp,(it damn well better be for what they charge to rent these things) and probably some new clothes, I usually make my clothes last for a long time but I must admit it is time for some new ones. I think you all remember the last pair of shoes I had and telling me every day for like 3 months to replace them. Well a select few of you will at least;) I will have to run to fargo for that so I will probably do that on Monday the 22nd. Then on the 23rd the Rhino is coming out to visit for a day, that should be cool. It will definitely be nice to see one of my best friends again. Who else will shout PENIS with me in a bad Austrian accent or discuss the acquisition and construction of the yak semen cannon. Actually if Jon wins that Alpacca we could make it an Alpacca semen cannon,it would be much cheaper than buying yak semen retail and we could set the freshmen to work acquring it. The only problem is what if the creature is a female alpacca.Anyways enough of my evil plans. Thats the one part of school I am looking forward to again is seeing all of you again. It will be nice to make you all laugh with my stories acquired from the Moorhead Days Inn and Conference Center and my uncanny and unsurpassed ability to suck at life. The rest of my attitude towards school right now really lies in the grey and black areas. Right now I am sure some of you are thinking to yourself hey vanilla gorilla what did youdo with your days off. Good question, I shall tell you. Not much. We have Dish now so I watched alot of tv. The other night I saw Kill Bill vloume 2, it was good, I liked the first one better. Good movie but not something I would pay to rent or buy. Thir morning I watched Troy, good movie but it brought back alot of memories:(,and no I am not saying I was an ancient greek warrior in another life or a modern day gladiator or anything like that the other kind of memories:( Then I went to sleep. SLept til about 8, totalling about 9hours of sleep. First time in along time I have been able to get more than 7, I think its because Ionly got 4 and a half the day before. Today was spent watching cartoon network and comecy central and complaining that my speakers which I ordered last sunday have still not arrived. Anyone buying stereo equipment online do not go through they have horrible shipping. And dont pull a Noe and go through best buy they only carry low end equipment anyway(with the exception of some of the Alpine stuff they carry). Noe I dont know how you racked up 3000 diollars worth of car electronics at best buy with the stuff they have, unless u decided to purchase like 800 sq ft of dynamat or something. Noe your my friend and a really good guy but on this I msut say wtf? Hopefully the speakers arrive this week so I can have them installed along with the other components of the system that I already have on hand. No I am not doing this so I can cruise around the mall with the windows down and the system up, people who do this are losers. That about summarizes my two days off pretty boring eh?Oh well what do you all expect it's me. I dont have much else to say hard to belive I will be back in Morris in 10 days.I look forward to seeing you all again and if Mack lets me do sportsline you should all listen in to the vanilla gorilla conversaing about the wonderful world of sports and distributing his vast knowledge of the subject to everyonel;)Just remember Vanilla Gorilla FTW!!!

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Yak Semen Cannon...

hey gorilla groupies. I am not calling you groupies to offend you and I dont mean the kinda that hang on everything a person says or does and I also dont mean the kind that want to have sex with the person whose groupies they are. In fact if you have any urges to make love to the vanilla gorilla it is likely that you are legally blind or clinically insane. Immediately seek an eye exam from a licensed optometrist and a psychiatric exam from a qualified therapist. If you do not have the time or money just have a friend or relative hit you with a large heavy object in the back of the head then continue reading. I just say gorilla groupies because it sounds cooler than group of people who tolerate jake and have a mild interest in the events transpiring in his life. Honestly which one of those would make a better t shirt. Not that anyone would want to wear or possess either of them but still. Not much is new in my life, you all should know how boring I am by now. Work is going ok I only have 6 days left and tonight is the last night in my 7 day straight working session, then I work Sunday through Thursday and I 'm done. Apparently doing that baggage run the other day was a good idea, my boss told me yesterday morning that I would notice some extra money on my paycheck since i did a little over half, Chris( the guy who did the other half) agreed that it was only fair that I get half. I dont know how much it will be, with my luck it will be like 5 bucks. I do have some more interesting stories from work, actually I have a tonbut I really dont feel like writing about them right now. Everyone keeps asking me if I am excited to go back to school, the answer is not really. I am looking forward to seeing my friends again, but my reaction to the situation is very very mixed. I ll leave it at that. The other thing people keep bring up is the issue of me turning 21. I just want to make a few things clear. Turning 21 really ebars no significance for me,I dont drink now and I dont plan to start just because I turn 21. I have been known on a rare occasion to have one or 2 but I know for a fact that none of you reading this have ever seen me have a drink and I dont plan to change this. Drinking by myself or with others is something that simply does not interest me and never will. I dont like how people talk, act, and think when they drink. Thus, I chose not to put my self in a situation where people will be consuming large amounts of alcohol.I m sorry if this is disappointing to any of you but I am simply not built that way and turning 21 will not change that. I can honestly say there have only been 2 days in my life when I would have gotten drunk. I just wanted to clear this issue uop because it seems to work its way into a lot of converstions if any drinking done this year will be left to pat, jon, chris, etc etc. No knock on you guys, simply not my thing. Anywayz this has been the one and only V to the G and I'm out.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Drink Bitch...

hey Vanilla Gorilla Fans. So I know I said that the last post would be my ;ast post for awhile, I lied. I m bored and stuff happens to me so here I am. Last night was an interesting night at work, my co worker Jason wasan 1hour and 45 minutes late, sound familiar, so I had to handle all the duties of the front desk and it was uber busy. It was crazy but being the speedy and smart clerk I am I go through it;) I was lucky that no one wanted anything complicated or intricate, also the person who does the weekend lock ups didnt show up, so guess who did that, in addition to my normal duties. Think it ends there? This morning a lady in chargeof a tour company came down to the front desk asking when the tour bus' luggage would be brought out front to be loaded. Jason and I stared blankly at each other for a few seconds. The woman continued that it had to be done with in 10 minutes because they needed to have it packed and ready to go by 710, of course we dont have bellman at our hotel, so this job became mine also. I was running around the hotel with the luggage cart grabbing bags and running them out front. Luckily Chris arrived half way through the job and finished it, chris was supposed to have done the whole thing but showed up late. What can I say, I m the man!! haha jk The other interesting thing about last night is the record for people offering to buyme drinks was broken the previous record was 3. Last night 7 different people offered tobuy me drinks, 4 guys,3 girls. Now this is not uncommon usually when I give a person between 21-30 a really really good deal on a room they usually offer to buy me a drink because they say I seem like a really cool nice guy who helped them out. I think its because I give them agood rate on the room. Then there are the random drunk people from weddings and karokee that offer, and once in awhile sober people offer.But last night was insane and I must say 2 girls that offered were pretty cute and sober! Why did they offer to buy me a drink,I honeslty dont know either, its one of life mysteries. El,the manager of our comedy club offered his opinion,its because your the man and one of the most likable people I have ever met. The Vanilla Gorilla is likable? But I cant drink for several reasons, number 1 I cant drink at work, number 2 I am under age, 3 it would be quite unprofessional.Oh well, 2days down 5more to go in my 7 day straight working marathon lol.My car stereo situation should be taken care of fairly soon also. Forgive the poor spacing in this blog and my conversations becuase I am still not use to this damn key board. As usual feel free to comment on this entry. This has been the one and only the V to the G.

Saturday, August 06, 2005

And Thats the Bottom Line...

Hey everyone. I decided to blog because I have something important to say and this may end up being my last post for awhile. I have decided that I must become the man I used to be, but its one that not many of you know. Two readers will know what this means, my sister and Nick, although they read on and off at varying intervals. I'm sorry you guys but I have to do this. The rest of you dont know this guy because it was the person I was before I met any of you. But I am afraid that this is the man I must become once more. I have to replace the loud mouthed, big egoed, goofball or whatever other words or phrases you mmight use to describe me who I feel I am right now. He has failed at every juncture and now must be replaced. I need to get back to the days of being the shy quiet smart kid who kept to himself, whose primary interest(maybe even obsession) was in being the best and in attaining perfection. More importantly this guy never hurt anyone close to him and never lost anything affect any of my frienships with you guys. One thing that will never change about me is that my friends mean the world to me and I will always be there if any of you guys ever need me , please remember that any time any place any where you need significant in his life because he kept the world at arms length. I hope someday I can better explain why this had to be done, I also hope that this doesnt negatively anything all you have to do is ask and I will be there willing to lend a hand, some muscle, or a sympathetic ear. I am sorry if some of you guys like who I am and dont want me to change, but sometimes we do things we dont like in order to get by. I... dont know what else to say. This really isnt easy for me to say or do. Much love to y'all.

Friday, August 05, 2005

Everything Looks Better in Slow Motion...

Hello again everyone. Well it's like 5 am in the morning and I have nothing to do so I thought I thought I would blog. No much is new. My ribs feel alot better now. Monday morning when I woke up my side ached really bad. I quickly rememered that I had been hit in the ribs several days earlier.Reminds me alot of football back in the day. Bust your ass on Friday night during the game and play through whatever pain you were feeling, of course if your really into the game you eventually forget what hurts and how bad. But when you wake up the next morning or the day after that it hits you like a wrecking ball that something hurts. Luckily the pain only lasted for a day or so and then subsided but I do have a pretty nice looking bruise right now. I didnt have to work tonight, which is probably why I am blogging. I work tommrow through next thursday and then havenext friday and saturdayoff, I am interested to see the schedule for the week after that to see if my schedule was set up the way I asked it to be. Those of you who know me well know that I absoultely hate asking people to do stuff for me even stupid little stuff like listening to me, which is kinda weird because I enjoy helping my friends and family whenever possible and always volunteer to help and I'm always willing to lend a sympathetic ear to any of my friends or family who need it (someone explain how that works that a person can like helping others but doesnt like asking for help or being helped himself) but I felt as though this was necessary to ask for. If it happens the way I want it to I would work next sunday to Thursday the 18th. This would give me 5 days to take care of everything before leaving for school on the 24th. A big part of it will be readjusting my schedule to that of a normal human being, ya know the kind that sleeps at night, instead of vampires like me. But we shall see, apparently before I go I am supposed to train some of the people replacing me., that should prove to be most interesting. THe good thing about working tonight is that it is payday, hooray for money or as some of you may call it cash, moola, chedda, greenbacks, yak semen, or as I like to call it money. What were you expecting A material, I dont have any A material you all should know that by now, all I got left is some Y and Z and even that is running out. However the bad part about tonight is that there is karokee, I can not emphasize how evil and wrong karokee is if you can not sing. If you can sing please do karokee and make everyone else lookbad so they will stop, but if you suck you should be beaten for even thinking about putting a microphone in your hand and singing rainbow connection at 2 in the morning, karokee lasts longer now in order tohelp attract people because North Dakota finally extended the time that bars may be open til 2 am, previously it was a 1 am limit so ppl would drive across the bridge to have a few more before going home. I have often thought about power spearing people that do this, especially the large drunk fat guys. Normally I am a very even tempered guy,but I can turn up the dial if I need to and trust me I am not really a person you want power spearing your mid section. Normally it takes alot to annoy me but karokee is just one of those thingsya know. But enough about that because I do not like to be violent. But I do remain adament that their are simply some people in this world that need to have their ass kicked. Finally got a hair cute the other day,looks and feels alot better. Also did some looking around and such for myupcoming car stereoimprovement. Team electronics quoted me 600 for everything I wanted to done and purchased which is honestly a little lower then I thought it would cost. I also checked out best buy but was unimpressed by their selection and knowledge. If you wish to know more simply ask or leaveme a comment. I realizze these days I can be rather difficult to get a hold of, not that many people actually need to. Got to talk toJon briefly the lasttwo days on Aim was nice to say hi and bs a little bit. We had an amusing conversation today. We were discussing dota and suchand I said wouldnt it be nice If dota were something that actually impressed people. You could go up to a girl and be like hey girl I am a dota master. And they would be like I know you, your the vanilla gorilla the big bad dota daddy. Iof course would nod and smile and be like baby not only am I the big bad dota daddy but I am also the big bad booty daddy. lol I found this rather amusing. But I think for that line to even have a shot at working it would have to be delivered by someone with infinitely more game then myself, maybe pat wearing his cream suit or Jon in genral or some my other brothers with game reading this you know who you guys are;)But definitely not me, I lead and rich fnatasy life and it works there. Anyone know where I can acquire a magic lamp or some other wish granting device to change fantasy into reality or a time machine would be nice. Did ya ever notice thatgenies alwayscome from something like lamps or bottles or rings. I mean you never heard of the genie of the AMC pacer, or the genie of the shovel, or the genie of vaccuum cleaner. Ok that was random but oh well. Lol I would need a genie to create a world where I was a pimp and/or had game. Ah well I guess thatsone of those things you either got it or ya dont. It s ok though I accept who I am, well at least for the most part. What else do I have to say. Oh I can do another installment of Gorila Grooves( in other words me telling you guys some new songs I think are cool and you should give a listen to, I gave it a name because I thought it was cool). This editions Gorilla Grooves are
Fall Out Boy- Sugar we're ging down
Fall Out Boy- Grand Theft Autumn
Bow Wow- Let me Hold You
Bowling for Soup- Almost
Bowlingfor Soup- Ohio(comeback to Texas)
New Found Glory- Forget my Name
50cent- Shake that Ass
Papa Roach- Scars
Give these songs and bands a listen if you have the time and energy. Sorry for the length of my last several posts but when I am bored and have nothing better to do I tend to come here and jot down some thoughts and happenings from my life. I try tokeep it fairly limited but I realize that once in awhile a feeling or emotion manages to sneak its way in, sorry about that I am really trying to keep them outof my posts and conversations and such. I will make greater efforts on the length issue, although I have neverheard any complaints about my length before;) lol Sorry had to say it. Alright I' m out,once again this has been the one andonly the v to g peace and much love to all my gorilla groupies out there. lol jk

Monday, August 01, 2005

The Weekend...

hey Vanilla Gorilla fans. I thought since some interesting events happened lately that I might talk about them and my thoughts before I go off to bed. Saturday night was a pretty long and difficult night at work. When I got there I found out that we had an unusually rowdy wedding party, nothing that special. 15 minutes into my shift
a huge fight breaks out in the reception area and manges to spill ino the lobby. About 8- 12 guys brawling and beating the hell out of each other. Kevin and Brad our 2 weekend secuirty guards couldnt handle it themselves so Sean and I were asked to jump in and help handle them.We immediatley called the police and they told us there they would have someone their as soon as possible and try our best to get the situation under control. So each of us was trying to restrain several people. Sean got a beer bottle thrown at him which barely missed his head, Kevin was being threatened by a guy brandishing an empty vodka bottle and periodically swinging it violently around, and I took a sucker punch to the ribs. Brad said he was suprised that I didnt react or seem injured after being hit. Apparently the guy got a good full swing and connected with my ribs well, which I felt later I had my back turned trying to restain one of his friends and only knew he hit me when it happened. all the guys their said they were suprised that I didnt beat the crap out of the drunk who hit me and said they would have had my back if I wanted to. The 4 of us prolly could have taken them all being as we are all sober and all run 6'2 230 plus. But I thought to myself we really dont need to wreck the lobby and get 4 more guys involved in the fight so I m glad I didnt go after the guy. Please dont mistake this for cowardice or lack of fighting ability, I wasnt happy about being hit but I dont think its worth a massive brawl and massive damage to the lobby to quench my thirst for revenge. Oh well think of me however you chose. The night only seemed to get worse fromt their. After the police arrived and sorted the whole matter out my fellow front desk worker Jason started puking his guts out and had to go home. This left me to run the entired front desk the rest of the night, not a fun or small task. Also we hadmany porblems with train workers running out of rooms that night that I was left to deal with on my own, some of them had to wait several hours for a room to open up and be cleaned and needless to say they were not ahppy about it. I chalk that up to bad management for trying to whore out their rooms to regular customers to make more money instead of abide by the contract that both parties signed. Shrugs I dont make the decisions I just do as I m told and deal with the consequecnes of managements decisions. The boss did write an email to everyone on monday saying that everyone owed me a big thank you for keeping the hotel running the rest of the night and getting everything taken care, it was a smal gesture but I thought it was nice. Sunday was a much more uneventful evening thankfully. Hard to believe I will only be working 19 more days, feels like just yesterday I started this job. I guess I cant decide whether summer went by too fast or too slow I guess for me it was a little of both mixed in with alot of other stuff. Most of which wasnt very positive but I dont wanna bore you all with the details of that or depress anyone. I have decided that Eventually I would very much like to weigh 185lbs, I realize I havent been that light since my junior year in high school when I was 5'11 but at that weight I was ripped. Even after working all summer in the weight room running and doing plyometrics I was only at 205 my senior year but I was still in awesome shape. Now look at me, kinda sad really. Thats why when I go back to school I plan to start working out on a regular basis. 185 is my target But I could be satisfied with even 205. An added bonus is that it may help attract females to me, it seems to me that girls would rather have a guy with big muscles and nice abs then then a vanilla gorilla(example yours truley). Oh well it prolly wont work, most of my plans dont, but I figure its worth a shot. The results of last post survery are in and it was a 1-1 ties, so we have no definite answer on whether or not everything is better with the vanilla gorilla. However I tend to agree with Jon that everything was prolly a poor part of that question, I mean having the vanilla at your prostate exam or with you while you want to spend private time with your significant other is probably most undesirable, so maybe A better question to ask is are most things better when you add the vanilla gorilla. I honestly dont know where I come up with this stuff, there must be something horribly wrong with me and hprribly wrong with you people for befriending me. lol I dont know which it is. Honestly why do you people hang around me and or read my blog. I warn you dont do it for to long or Ill drag ya down with me. ummmm not much else to report. I will be improving the stereo system in mycar shortly and I will update on that when details are forth coming. As usual feel free to comment on any or all of this post. THis has been the one and only the V to the G, I m out.

Saturday, July 30, 2005

A New Post....

Hey vanilla gorilla fans. It had been awhile simce my last post so I thought I would blog and try to give some updates. Work is going fairly well I had to work last night and hear karokee I remain adament in my stance that karokee is in fact evil, at least for drunk people with no singing ability. Interesting note, recently I have discovered that the train workers I deal with, have been using the computer in our business center to look up pornography. Wow thats all I can say. I m not all that horrified that they look at porn but what type of porn they look at. Once again Wow. A final work related note I told my boss that I had to quit on the 20th and several days later I found out thatI will being replaced, by 3 people. THey are hiring three people to take over all the things I do at night, that made me feel a little important or at least productive . Pat attributed this to my not being stupid and that being a hard quality to find. Right now I really need a haircut and a shave. I will shave later tonight but the haircut will have to wait til my next day off. I pretty much have all my money that I will earn from work spent already. Between gas, insurance, some new clothes my loft and maybe a giant bean bag I am left at where I started. But at the very least this is money that hasnt come out of my checking account. I am torn on whether or not to buy a giant bean bag for the dorm. This thing is huge 84x60x40 and soft, I havent decided yet. Maybe after Pat finishes coming up with our room design because he is the architect. In some ways I am really looking forward to going back to school and in other ways I feel very conflicted. I wont say much more than that. But that really seems to fit with what has been going on inside my head and my heart all summer. Well I will shut up about that because I think it will only bore and upset many of you. I am pretty excited to see everyone and hangout and such. VEry much looking forward to playing some dotas ,I return as the 2nd ranked player, I would have been 3rd but Jack quit playing at the end of the year. Rankings and such aside I am looking forward to justhanging out and such with everyone again, because hey everything is better when you add the vanilla gorilla;)
Survey Question: Is eveything better when you add the Vanilla Gorilla?
A. Yes
b. No

Friday, July 22, 2005

Because I cant sleep.....

hey everyone.So as the title would indicate I am blogging because I cant sleep. Normally I have problems sleeping anyways but these staggered days off from work really make it worse. Each week I have 2 days off,normal enough right?But the thing is that there are almost never back to back its usually like a tuesday and a thursday or a monday and a friday, last week they were back to back which was nice. Like I said I would almost rather not have days off, I honestly wouldnt mind working 7 days a week and having no time off til I went back to school, especially since the days I do have off I usually get home at 8- 8 30 in the morning and (depending on how fast I drive) usually wake up around 6-7 pm. I m not complaining I like my job and I am grateful that somebody finally hired me after along and fruitless job search, just that the hours and the days off are kinda funky. I just wishi could sleep right now, I been trying to fall asleep since 6 am and I havent been able to. Not being able to sleep is kinda frustrating but I am used to struggling to falling alseep these days. Ya know whats kinda weird, the harder you try not to think about something the more you end up thinking about it. It's like fighting a battle that you cant win. The mind works in such twisted and funny ways( well maybe just mine). What is even worse is dreams, you have no control over your dreams , what they are , how often they occur or how they make you feel. I got an email about being the hottie thing today, I had forgotten I signed up for that. Its prolly gonna suck without the Albino Rhino there he and I did all the heavy lifting last year, and I think he forgot to sign up this year and I dont know any other strong males who will be there to help me, Wait Chris might be there So I might have some help, but no offense Chris I dont think your quite as strong as Pat, but your still a good guy and a friend.I wonder if I create a rhino signal and put Krispy Kremes, coffee, fried chicken, and pie near it if pat would come. Does anyone know where I can get a 50000 watt light bulb, a power source for it and a carving in the shape of a rhino to put over it? Jon I am looking at you for this one your asian mafia contacts have to have access to some of that jk Iget my first real pay check at work tonight, that will be nice I will use some of it to write a check to get a loft for this year, I had frgotten to do that until several days ago when I was rummaging through my paperwork at home. Wait I just had an idea to solve the moving in problem we will have Jimmy ask some teamsters to help move us in, nownormally teamsters are lazy sobs and dont do much for anyone but for Jimmy they would move us in and unpack our stuff and probably buy us lunch too, furthur proving Jimmy is the coolest man alive. Jimmy for President!!! Please forgive the incoherent and bouncy nature of this post i have not slept in many hours and I think my typing ability are significantly lower than they normally are(not that they were all that high to ebgin with). I also got my finnacial Aid stuff taken care of today I m getting a little more than last year I lost my pell grant though because I amdoing an Academic partnership through the u of m with Dr. Greg Thorson, I was honored that heasked me to do it. Yes thats right I will being doing research and writing a paper with a professor I am actually a pretty bright guy. Not that you would know from reading my blog or talking to me in person. I dont haveto much else to say at the moment. On a personal note I am kind of having/ been having an identity crisis the last few months but I have really noticed it the past few weeks. I guess I am justhaving trouble deciding what makes me.... me, ya know. Ya know the qualities and or traits that set me apart from other people or how I would be described to a person by someone. I dunno if that makes sense to anyone or not. Feel free to comment on one or all parts of this entry. Anywayz much love to you all and I hope you are all doing well. I am sure I will see you all as soon as school starts again.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Invicible Wheel!!!!

Ok I promise thats the last time I make an invicible wheel reference for awhile. So not much is new in my life. Tuesday was one of my days off and I didn't really do much with it. I'd almost rather work seven days a week than have any days off,simply because I don't do anything with my days off. I thought about getting a 2nd job, but working over nights and commuting 3 hours a day really makes it impossible for me to get another job. Oh well, I really dont care either way. I would say that is my general attitude towards alot of things right now. I simply stopped caring. Anywayz back to my day off. All I did today was get a few extra hours of sleep and eat some extra food. Nothing of critical importance. I talked to Pat very briefly tonight he rejected my idea of using the invincible wheel technique to defeat the frost giants. We both had trouble staying connected. I hate dial up!!!!! That coupled with Msn being fucked up for awhile made having a conversation quite difficult. He did celebrate my returning once, usually my returning to somewhere inhabited by people results in 911 calls to the police, hundreds of lawsuits, not to mention mothers shielding their childrens eyes from the horrible sight.Sigh. These last couple months I have become a much more reflective person. The last few days are no exception. I miss a lot of stuff. I miss being at aschool, I miss hanging out with my friends, I miss being around people. There are a lot of other things I miss but I really dont feel like sharing what those things are. I ll just say that I miss alot of the things in life that I once had. Will be interesting going back to school and quickly trying to adjust to sleeping at night again. Especially since I have a 9 o clock class on MWF. Oh well I ll do what I have to, I always seem to get by somehow. On a different note I thought I would incorporate music into my blog. Here is a list of songs that I really like alot right now and that people should check out.
The Click Five- Just the Girl
Embrace- Ashes
Gavin Degraw- Chariot
Relient K- Be My Escape
American Hi Fi- Geeks Get the Girls
Gorillaz- Feel Good Inc
50 cent- Lil Bit
Fat Joe- Get it Poppin
Bama- Sweet Home Alabama( this is a rap remix)
Jason Mraz- Word Play
Akon- Lonely
Emerson Drive- Last one Standing
Theory of a Dead man- Aint no Suprise
Trick Daddy- Sugar
Ludacris- Pimpin All over the World
My chemical Romance- Helena
Virgil- Amnesia
Lifehouse- You and Me
Toto- I'll be over you
Most of these are fairly new songs but some are a bit older. Jsut thought I d try something new. Anywayz I am going to bed. I work today and then I have thursday off Then I work Friday and Saturday. I am looking forward to my first full paycheck this friday. My last one was just for my first two days of work. I still have no I dea what to spend it on, I ll prolly end just putting it in my checking account and letting it sit there til I need/ wanna use it. Oh well back to my jungle and my lonely gorilla existence. Peace and love to y'all.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

My Boring Life......

Hey everyone. Not much is new. Last night I added another job to the long list of things I am responsible for, enter Jake the dance floor repair man. What was especially interesting was Kevin( one of our weekend security guards) and I were attempting to repair the dance floor while people were still dancing on it, not because we wanted to but because the dj refused to clear the floor at first, thankfully after a few minutes of trying to fix it with people on it Kevin threatended to throw the dj out if he didnt clear the floor and allow us to make the needed reapirs. Moving those pieces around was hard work they weigh several hundred punds each and are usually groupd in 3 or 4 pieces resulting in a total weight of about 600 to 700 lbs, But me being the superior male specimen I am(ha!)we were able to move it. It was an awful lot of work for two people to complete in a short amount of time, but we managed to get it done. The rest of the night was fairly uneventful. We had several weddings last night, weddings make me sad:(sigh

Saturday, July 16, 2005

My blog shall continue...

Hey everyone. So I guess a lot of people want me to keep this going,So I guess I will. However I think I will keep it very limited and try to keep it dedicated to simply updating people on the events transpiring in my life.Maybe I ll throw in an occasional thought or two about something. I will do my best to not talk about my emotions and feelings,since those dont seem like really popular parts of my blog. I aplolgize if these make their way into my blog then I'm really sorry. I havent really done much with my two days off. I tried to sleep but that really didnt turn out that well( I still struggle sleeping). I did manage to shave last night because my beard was getting pretty long and i really didnt have anything better to do. I decided aginst getting a cell phone. This decision was based on several factors. First of all, I just really dont like cell phones. Second, if you have a cell phone and carryit around with you then you can be reached at all times. Finally. I honestly can't think of many people who I need to call or who need to get ahold of me, so why waste a bunch of money every month just to have the damn thing. So for now I will just save the money and use it when the time is appopriate. I am sure a certain portion will go to buying Pat and I pizza and various other forms of deliciousness, like culvers mmmmmmm culvers. Feel free to drop me a comment.

Thursday, July 14, 2005


I have decided that it might be best to shut my blog down. I never meant to hurt offend, criticize or insult anyone who read it. Please accept my heartfelt apology if I did any of these things to you. I originally set up this blog to be a prviate thing so I had a way of expressing and documenting my thoughts with out further burdening my family and friends, I never really intended to make it public but thats what it ended up being, well it now seems clear to me that I was merely doing the same thing just in a different forum, for that I deeply and truly sorry. If anyone really needs to contact me you should have my email. Much love goes out to all you guys and girls out there. I love you all and once again I am truly sorry. I hope you dont mind if I occasionally drop a comment on your blogs. I hope everyone has a great summer and is doing well. I hope to see al of you in a few months, except Ross who will be in north dakota, but still much love Ross.

-Jacob Anderson

Killing Time Before Bed.....

Hey again Vanilla Gorilla fans. So right now I am trying to kill a little time by writing in my blog before going to bed. I just got done working seven days straight and it will be nice to have thursday and friday off before returning to work on saturday, however saturday bears the evil of karokee(shudders) I like my job but I have learned that Unionized train workers are the big fucking babies on earth, normally I dont like to swear but these mofos warrant the foul language. If there is an imperfection with a room they will find it and complain about it. Of course being employees the staff has to just take it and try and be polite. And complaining o them would do no good because they simply would go to there union rep who woultd in turn bitch to someone else and so on and so forth til the hotel was getting complained at. THis is why I hate unions, they started out as really good things and have devolved into horrible organizations. Its great to be in one, but shitty to have to work with one. Normal customers are fine, I havent really had any problems with real cusomers, except for the whole naked mexican thing to which the police had to become involved in. Make sure to have me tell that story in operson its great. I will admit I really dont like dealing with all the drunks that spill into the lobby from the bar and the comedy club, especially on weekends, but since night secuirty is my responsibility I kinda have too. My coworker Bruce(the night auditor) said something that I swear sounded like something Pat would say. Bruce"Jake know what I need" Jake " Whats that BRuce", Bruce" 3 circus midgets and some whip cream" Jake " HUH?", Bruce" Yeah, I could Have sex with the three midgets" Jake" why?" Bruce " why not its better than working here god damn it!" Jake " whats the whip cream for?", Bruce" in case I get hungry I want a snack ready, and I like whip cream." I thought that was hilarious.Hmmmmm what else to talk about. I think on friday I will go in and purchase a cell phone thus completing my path to the dark side.I really should stop saying I wont get or do things because I usually end up getting or doing them. For instance, blog, cell phone, goingplaces and doing things if people bother me enough or bribe me with food, lol I am unsure why anyone wants me to come along bad enough to bribe me with food but they do, I guess the saying is true everything is better with the Vanilla Gorilla, lol I wish!!! One thing I found interesting the other day was while I was having a conversationg with my dad he said I was the most private person he ever met, not meant as an insult simply an observation, really got me thinking and i guess I kinda am, I mean I really don't open up that much to many people andI tend to keep alot about myself hidden, and I try hard not to show to much emotion in front of people and I hate asking anyone to help me, I mean usually most people get to see 3 or 4 emotions out of me period. Feel free to weigh in on this topic is Jake a very private/ secretive person or isnt he. On the next Geraldo, wait Geraldo sucks, I really wish someone would have shot him while he was in Iraq, whats a good talk show, Dr. Phil, well hes alot cooler than Geraldo.

Sunday, July 10, 2005


Hello again vanilla gorilla fans. This week our hero has a few new life updates and things to say. So I have learned that I really like my job, except on fridays and saturdays. This is due to the fact that our hotel has a bar, a restaraunt and a comedy club. I should rephrase that, I can handle the regular drunks that we have all other days of the week, but friday and saturday have a special torture, karokee(sp?) this evil transpires from 9 30 to 1 30 on fri and sat nights, so during the first two and a half hours of my shift I get to hear the shrieking shrill voices of drunk people who think they can sing, then attempting to deal with them as they exit the hotel, since the bar is like 75 feet from the front desk and completely visble from where I and my front desk cohorts work. Also we usually have one or more weddings taking place on friday and saturday since we have fairly nice facilities to hold a reception in. I dont mind the weddings so much, makes me kinda sad cuz I get to thinking about what my own wedding would have been like this summer, which several of you who read this would have been involved in, you know who you are. That is slightly depressing to think about and makes me kinda sad:( Oh well most times the weddings end up spilling out of the reception area and into the bar front lobby, pool and everywhere else. I have several interesting stories about this that I will share with you all at later times. Needless to say this results in a lot of drunk people wandering around our hotel, and since another one of my jobs is night security I deal with most of them, nobody has tried to get physical with me, prolly cuz im a bad mama jamma to start with but against a drunk guy, not even close. Plus I m a big mofo, what can I say its good to be the vanilla gorilla sometimes. Still unsure what I will do with my first full paycheck, I ll prolly end up getting a cell phone despite my hatred of them, although I swore I d never have a blogger either so things can change.The other night we had an unidentified naked mexican wandering the hotel, reports can not confirm or deny whether or not this was noe. Teams of scientists are working around the clock examining forensic evidence to make this determinattion. haha jk Noe, Work consumes most of my time now between sleeping commuting eating and getting ready for work and working takes up like 95 percent of my day, but its ok I really dont have anything better to do being as all my friends(you guys and girls) live at various places that are not near me. Personally I am doing ok, watching the weddings kinda bums me out but I try to keep it to a minimum and put on a good face, I really work hard to fight the depression that tries to creep in, its hard but I am trying and fighting it. Right now thats about all I can do. It's hard to deal with, it really is. But I am really trying to just live, accept the way things are and try to find comfort and hhappiness in what I do have and will have in the future. I do always succeed in doing this, But I think trying is just as important. It's hard to lose what I did and ever get over it, I dont know if I ever will but I hope someday I will make my piece with it and move on, it just takes time.I still love and miss Meghan, but like I said I m slowly learning to deal with it. I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying their summer.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Another Post...

Hey vanilla gorilla fans. My posting frequency has increased since I got a job, I think it is becuase my life is a little more interesting now that I have a job. First of all, I really dont mind my job at all. Yeah working 11pm to 7am most nights is kinda weird but all the best stuff happens at night. Because it is when people come to the front desk with the weirdest questions, requests, and problems. I have only been on the job 3 days but I already ahve several good stories that I will behappy to share in person. I suppose I should explain what I actually do. I am pretty much the night front desk clerk/ assistant manager, everyone on night shift answers to me except the manager, Tina(my manager is really cool and she likes me alot, prolly because I work hard, I dont mess up and shit gets taken care of when I'm in charge. My primary duty at night is managing the multi million dollar contract with a train compnay, basically overseeing everything related to the train workers and their needs, everything from checking them in and out, to billing the company, to arranging rides to and from the train yard and everything in between. I also deal with regular guests but after 11pm there are very few people checking in and out or requesting things from the front desk. I do alot of other stuff too but its failry boring, making keys, telling housekeeping what to do and that sort of stuff. My streak of not being pulled over came to an end the other day when I was driving home. I was pulled over in Fergus doing 45 in a 30, so I was legitmately speeding. Using the old vanilla gorilla mind trick I convinced the officer into only giving me a warning. Actually I was just polite and honest and he said like I seemed like a nice kid and would let me off with just a warning. I havent decided what I intend to spend my money on yet, I have considered getting a cell phone, but there are not that many people that realy need to get ahold of me so I relly dont know if it is worth it. I already have a car and paid off the insurance for quite awhile. I also have a new computer so i dont need that either. I am willing to bet that Pat would suggest buying more and larger tv's for our room. But I think 3 in the room will be plenty(sorry to my brotha from anotha motha). Emotionally I am back on a more even keel and I really dont know how I feel about alot of stuff right now. I just try to take it day by day and get though things best I can. Obviously certain things are harder to deal with than others, but I am trying, even though it gets pretty difficult sometimes. The only thing I know is I'm not gonna give up on myself and what I want out of life.

Saturday, July 02, 2005


hello everyone. I thought I would give you all some updates about what is going on in my life since it has been awhile. First and foremost I have a job now. I work at the days inn hotel and conference center in Moorhead, the commute kinda sucks but its the only full time job I have been offered this summer. I work the grave shift which is 11pm to 7 am, once and awhile I will be working the swing shift which is 3pm to 11pm. It will take a little while to get used to the hours, but as a person who usually staysup til 4 or 5 am it really isnt a huge adjustment. I like the job so far and my boss likes me alot already, mostly because I am an extremely quick learner and it makes her job a lot easier. The nice part is there are like 10 people that I can tell what to do, thats kinda cool but I dont wanna be one of those people who has a litle authority and turns into a complete asshole, I realize I work at a hotel and bossing some of the staff around really isnt that big of deal.I make a good wage and the job wont be to bad, I will post more later on what I do and stuff like that. I am glad I got the job, but it doesnt make me as happy as I thought it would. The only downside is I have to be kinda dressed up because I work at the front desk, and those of you who know me know that I am a really casual dresser(I dress like a jock as pat would say, he is quite accurate). I dont really mind but its different.I guess it will be nice to have money not that I have anything to spend it on. On a sadder note, my friend Nick will be heading down to Florida in a few days and will pretty much be gone the rest of the summer, with a few one week stints of returning home briefly to give reports at the place where heworks then retunring to supervise in Florida, he will be making alot of money and I am sure he will have a good time while he is there. I am sad though cuz Nick is the only friend I have back home that I can hang out with. I have only really gone out 4 times this summer(how sad is that) and 3 were with Nick, the other one was with Josh when he was home on leave. Oh well, I kinda knew when I came home this summer that most of it would be spent by myself, I accept that is what has to happen and I have grown used to it over the last couple months.To be honest I have been really down lately, every time I look in mirror I dont like what I see, I m not half the man I used to be( sometimes Idont know whether I even deserve to call myself a man anymore at all). When I look in the mirror I see a guy who will prolly end up doing well career wise and make alot of money but will end up old fat ugly alone and miserable(I think I might be several of these already), so in other words I will be a truely great republican!Jokes aside, that thought really worries me, but I also fear that it may be the future and that what I am feeling now is just a prelude to the rest of my life. I wish I could be the man I once was for he was far greater than I in every way. I hope everyone is enjoying there summer and doing ok. I fought you for so long, I should have just let you win, Oh how we regret those things we do.(bonus points if you know the song and the band who sings it)

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

The Weekend...

Hey Vanilla Gorilla fans. So I made it through the weekend alive. My relatives arrived on friday afternoon and so far it hasn't been that bad having them out here, they think I am pretty funny and I seem to do an ok job entertaining them when dad and mom are busy, I know I said in earlier posts that I had no intention of helping entertain but when push comes to shove and my folks need help I can't say no. Those of you who know me well know that if you badger me or ask me enough times to do something that I will end up doing it, Pat is an expert at this. My parents only had to ask once but I felt kinda obligated to help especially with all my parents have done for me over the last 6 months. But it really wasnt all that terrible. They are leaving toward the end of the week, and then several days later we are expecting more relatives out to stay for awhile. Saturday was spent by myself, I kinda just locked myself in my room so no one had to see me in that state. I was a train wreck. I can honestly say thats the worst I have ever been. I didnt get drunk as previously planned, I just couldnt do it. Sunday I was back to normal, well whatever is normal for me now. Today was spent at home, doing household chores and my usual 10 hours a day thinking while my parents ran the reli's around the area showing them the few things worth seeing in Ottertail County. Now I am listening to music and updating this thing. On a different note I saw the new Batman movie last week, it was good much darker and lower tech then the other ones, but still a good movie. My only complaint is that they spend to much time setting up the back story and certain parts of the movie feel over extended, they tried to get too much out of it. Other than that same old boring me, I really would do more if I had the chance, but opprotunities to do things are few and far between. Internet connection is to slow to play warcraft or wow, all my friends are scattered though out the states, gomer works all the time, and you can only watch the first 2 seasons of Chappelle show so many times, and really there are only so many chores that can be done in and outside. Lawn work takes 4 or 5 hours to do everything in the yard, but that only needs to be done every week or so, and you cant do it while its raining. Oh well I have kinda resigned to being bored this summer. Anywayz I hope everyone is doing ok and enjoying their summers.

Saturday, June 25, 2005


Today is a a very significant day in my life, at least it was supposed to be. Today was supposed to be the day I got married to the most perfect woman on earth. Instead here I sit alone at 3 am thinking about what should have happened and what went wrong. Those of you who know me well, know that getting married was super important to me, because it is one of the very few things I really really desired out of life was to get married and have a family. I know that sounds kinda lame for a 20 year old man to say but thats me. Also I think it was clear to everyone how in love with Meghan I was, I mean I think blind and deaf people knew that she meant tthe world to me, I mean it was obvious if you ever spent any time with us. I mean I know she wasn't perfect, what person is, but my love for her made me see past all that and all I saw was perfection. I guess thats what happens when you see someone with your heart and not your eyes. Now I sit here thinking about the life and dreams I lost when she left, and it kills me. Today was supposed to be the happiest day of my life, not the worst. But I guess thats how the world works, I wish I could say I was an asshole and deserved what I got, or that I lied and cheated and mistreated her and got dumped like a cock sucker should, but again this isnt the case. I know today I am going to be a complete mess, it feels like the day Meg left me times a hundred. Ya know normally another day is nothing special to me, merely a date and a number on a calendar, but when you have plans or give that day some type of meaning it becomes so much more, the day takes on a significance that I can not even begin to explain. Thats what today was supposed to be. Like I said things just dont feel right in my life right now, this isnt what was supposed to happen. I would appreciate it if people would refrain from leaving certian types of comments, those along the lines of you will be fine, or get over it, or you are a cocksucker etc, are not welcome today. Normally I wouldnt care but this is a wish I ask you all to respect, please. What really kills me inside is that today meant something to me and it hurts that it didnt come true, and that it is probably forgotten and inconsequential to the other person that help plan what this day was suppose to be. And yes I am well aware that I need to move on and such eventually, but today is a day for grieving for a devastating loss and the life that went with it. I apologize to those of you who have problems with this post, I realize it is quite self indulgent and depressing, but it is how I am feeling and is an important part of my life, I am sorry to those of you who dont like it or my overall handling of things, but its who I am and its my choices, and my friends will understand that. I hope I can make it through the rest of the day, It will be very difficult because of what this day was supposed to be and the feelings that went with it. I will close by saying may god be with you, because he has abandoned me.(bonus points if you know what movie thats from)

Saturday, June 18, 2005


Hey everyone. So I hate to admit it but I am horribly frustrated with my life right now. Normally I try not to be a very emotional person or at least I try to keep it private I think those of you who know me well would prolly agree you dont get to see very many emotions out of me except happiness or maybe a little bit of anger every now and then. But right now I am so incredibly frustrated. I wake up every morning and lay in bed thinking to myself this isn't where my life is supposed to be at right now, this isn't what is supposed to be happening, and my life just feel right. I feel like a piece of a jigsaw puzzle that was crammed in the wrong space and manipulated to try to fit. Obviously the piece is in the wrong place and the piece is uncomfortable being there(well at least it would if puzzle pieces had feelings, but for the sake of this example they do).Everything inside of me is telling me that this isnt how things are supposed to be. I mean honestly when I evaluate my life right now I do not like it. When I pictured what my life would be like this summer I had something completely different in mind and it's really frustrating to see where I actually am, compared to where I thought I would be and wanted to be. You know thats the funny things about dreams is they are alot like a beautiful piece of glass that you created. Precious and beautiful things that took alot of work and imagination to create but fragile and easily destroyed by any number of sources, and when they are destroyed a piece of your heart goes with it because you put it into it during the creation process. I just honestly dont know what to do right now, and its only gonna get worse, a week from today I am going to be a complete and utter train wreck I already know this( I have evil magic that lets me see into the future). I just wish I had some answers to all of the questions my heart and my mind have. Sorry for this overly emotional post, I try to keep them to a minimum but right now I couldnt help myself. I'm done complaining for now, I hope everyones summeer is going well and have a good fathers day.

Monday, June 13, 2005

Another Day and A Big Decision

Hey everyone. Not much is new in my life. I went out fishing with my dad today it was raining the whole time and we didn't ctach anything but it was still pretty fun. I hadn't gone in awhile so it was a good time. We both came back completely drenched and without any fish but oh well. After that I hung out with my buddy Josh because he leaves for Washington tommorow. It was really good to see him again, he's been one of my best friends for like 8 years now and it sucks hes not around much, but hey that's part of the military life I guess. He wasnt here for the whole Meghan fiasco and offered his advice and opinion about the situation He basically told me that I am a great guy and that I should take all the time I need to heal That is basically what I am doing it is a long process but I feel like I am making a little progess in certain areas I dont mean I am anywhere nearly completely healed but I have noticed I am slowly getting better in some areas I still love and miss Meghan but I know i need to move on with my life despite how difficult that is I will get there eventually it is just gonna take time and besides who knows what the future holds things can change in an instant so I will wait and see what the future holds for me speaking of which I have made a decison I have decided that I will meet my future at UMM I know it will be hard to deal with some of the memories and feelings I have but I feel like Morris is the place I am supposed to be this decision took me a long time to reach and was hard thought and felt I have strong feelings about certain parts of this decision but I will not discuss those right now I apologize for the lack of punctuation but something is funny with my keyboard right now I will close by saying that the J Train will be rolling back into Morris this year

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Productivity, A Visit from an old friend, and an observation about myself....

Hey again everyone, some things worth talking about have occured in the last several days so I thought would write a new post. I have found something do with all my free time these days. I am helping my dad paint the house, inside not outside, today we got most of the laundry room done and we will finish it tommorow, normally this wouldnt take multiple days, but all the rooms in our house that are painted have these weird textured walls and require thick coats of paint to paint over them. After that we are going to move on to his office, the downstairs bathroom and then we get upsatirs. My mom wants this all done before myr elatives come to visit later this month, I could realy care less I am doing it to help my dad because it is faster with 2 people, my dad's health isn't great, and well my dad is my dad but also a great friend and I pride myself on helping my friends when they need it. I honestly dont care what my relatives think when they come out. I dont plan on entertaining them at all I will leave that to my mom, I will be polite of course I just feel no obligation to entertain. Yesterday I got to see my friend Josh who I hand't seen since x mas, he was home on leave from the army and we went to see Episode 3(2nd time for me) and then hung out and caught up for awhile. It was nice hanging out with him. The first thing he said when he saw me was " Anderson You skinny mother fucker, where is the reast of you?" I had to laugh. I mean I am still a big guy, but I guess I am alot skinier then I previously was. I can't really see it but all my friends and family have mentioned it to me several times so I have decided it must be true. Finally I have an observation about myself thatI think is accurate, I think I must have the words good listener tattoed on my forehead, since I have been home everyone has been coming to me when they need to talk it's insane, now I am actually quite used to this but this summer it seems like even more people are, I mean several of my friends back home, nick, even my parents are both coming to me to talk. I dont really mind though I like to think I am a good listener and easy to talk to and someone who people can trust. Feel free to disagree if you want, but I would say that it's failry accurate.Well that's all I have for now so til next time take care. I close by saying" when you really care about something with your heart, mind and soul, thats when it really hurts to lose it, and thats what real pain is."