Saturday, December 31, 2005

2005 a year I will never forget(warning long and personal)...

Hey groupies,this post is more for me to say somethings I feel like I need and want to say then anything else so its gonna be prettylong and personal. 2005 started out great I was engaged to the perfect girl and we were gonna get married in June I had the world by the balls and all my dreams were coming true. For the first time in my life I was truely happy and confident. However,then it happened she left. I knew we had our problems but what couple doesnt I always thought she knew she meant the world to me and I would do anything for her,apparently that wasnt enough. What shocked me the most was how cruel and cold she was about the whole thing, it was like she didnt even care like it didnt even matter to her. I guess I thought I deserved alot better than that. When that happened I really went off the deep end, it takes a lot to do that to me but this one sent me well past my breaking point. This made me do and say many things I regret and I wish I could apologize for but not many people could have possibly understood what I was going through. I spent the rest of Spring semester in a very very deep depression most nights I would go back to the room after class which I was skipping all the time and sit there with all the lights off and think and mope and cry. Finally one day Jon made me come to eat with him and the rest of the guys from the floor and bropught me into the group to play dota and halo and such, I owe him a debt I can never repay because he brought me out of the darkness and gave me partof my life back. He helped give me friends and a social life and a distraction from the pain. I still thought about it all the time but now I had a distraction and peopleto hangout with. The semester ended and my grades were way down, at least for me, and I limped home to try to fix myself. I spent most of the summer depressed just sittinga round thinking,out of anyone my dad was there for me the most after it happened several of my friends were too, but some people also turned their back on me when it happened, thats their choice and Irspect their right to make it. However, I eventually forced myself to realize that it wasn't me who left and I did everything I could to get her back and there was nothing else I could have done. I realize we both had faults and both made a lot of mistakes and I acknowledge my part in that, but I thought unending love honesty respect and loyalty wa senough to get through any of that. Like alot ofthings I didnt get over it but I learned to deal with it, like an injury that never heals it will always be there you just learn to function anyhow. I took the most devastating event that ever happened to me and I lived through it, I have learned from the mistakes I made and grown more mature and stronger and wiser than ever, but as I have explained these all came at a great cost one I wouldnt have paid willing. Oh well, I took these new found qualities and wentback to school hoping to get back on track and I worked hard and life has kind of returned to normal. I have continues to strengthen old bonds and made many new ones as well. I am very lucky to have such very good friends who care about me. I love all you guys and your one of the big reasons I came back to Morris, you guys abnd girls make Morris tolerable. I got my grades back to what they should be and I even managed to get myself another gf( hey i didnt think it was possible either) shes really cool, she always wants me around,and she makes me pretty happy, I dont know where it will go but I try not to think about that right now. One thing I learned in 2005 is that Icare immensely about things, about people things I do and things Iwant. I put everything into these things and thats what allows tobe hurt sometimes but if ya dont put everything into something itsnot worth doing. I dont know what 2006 will bring but I will face it head on and I will alwayskeep fighting andstruggling to survive and succeed I made 2 people that promise and I shall keep it. To close I just have a few more things to say and advice to give. One bit of advice I have is give them 10 minutes, this aphrase my dad uses alot butI think it's, if ya love someone give them 10 minutes to explain something or explain their point of view no matter how upset sad or angry you are give them 10 minutes and tryto talk itout. Now for some sappy stuff, to all you guys and girls out there I loveyou guys tremendously andyou can count on me for anything you ever need cuz I always be there for you guys, I hope you all have a great new year and are happy and safe. Peace and Love.
-Jake

Thursday, December 29, 2005

A Quick Recap....

What's up groupies, it is I the one and only the v to the g the vanilla gorilla himself. Sorry I havent posted in awhile but the last two weeks were kinda busy, well most of it. First off, I had several papers to write revise and present, then I had finals week then I had tomove some stuff home. Finals week kinda sucked hardcore I had 4 finals this semester, welcome to my hell, the worst part was that my worst 2 finals were on friday, all I will say is that on those two finals I wrote a total of 30 pages and still didnt feel like I had fully answered all the questions ask. Even worse was the fact that I was really sick during finals week and it didnt go away til about a day ago. Oh well I managed to make it through and finished as best I could. I was also really upset by our school calendar, we start early and go late, we are on the same schedule as most community colleges in minnesota, how sad is that? We are a good university and should be on a real university's calendar. Anywayz I am satisfied with my performance this semester I was lucky and got 4 A's, now i just have to do that for 3 more semesters I can graduate with a 3.88 GPA now I know thats not that impressive but that would be semi liveable. Home has been okay I have got to hang out with Josh a few times in the last week that was really cool it was great to see him again, we had a lot of catching up to do.It's unfortunate he can only come back once every 6 months, I mean the guy is one of my best friends and seeinghim twice a year isnt really enough. Apparently a few other people I knew from high school wanna see me while I 'm home too, however I m not entirely sure how I feel about that and I am unsure whether I wanna see or hangout with any of them. Home so far has been really boring I spend alot of time watching tv and playing wow at nights, for those of you who are interested I'm lvl 41 now and I have my mount, it's pimp.Otherwise home is incredibely boring and I have nothing to do, except sit and chat with my dad occasionally. Dad said something really nice the other night to me, he said jake your a giant,to which I responded I'm not that big, he said I didnt mean your size I meant your heart. I thought that was really nice. Other than that I have no news or bits of interest so I'll call it a night. Remember the gorilla loves all his readers and wishes them love and peace into the new year. I love all you guys and girls and I miss all of ya.Peace and Love.

-Jake

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

The Final Approach....

Hey everyone. Well as you can tell by the title finals week shall soon be upon me. This semester I have 4 finals but I m pretty sure I already have my grade locked up in 2 classes by I need a strong finish in the other two to get the grades I want. From here on in B's, B+'s, and A-'s just dont cut it anymore. Anywayz, not much else is new here. Saw the Chronicles of Narnia recently, was awesome definitely go see it if you have the chance. Went to Jen's post lsat party that was really nice, she was a great host and a good time was had by all. Thursday we are gonna go see the new Harry Potter movie so that should be cool. After finals next week I just plan on going home and relaxing maybe see a friend or two at home. I have several friends urging to come to the cities for a visit over x mas break, which I am strongly considering we shall see though, I really dont want to be an imposition upon anyone or their family. These days my mind is such a jumble of stuff its hard to think straight sometimes and even harder to fully maintain control. Sometimes I wish I could just forget things or not care. Unfortunately there are things I can never forget and I care about things immensely. I dunno, sometimes I just wanna lose control if only for a couple of minutes, but I cant.... Oh well thats the way life is I guess. Sorry if this post seems rather down my mood is much sadder and more depressing around the holidays(for reason read previous post)but I dont wanna drag you all down with me so I'll shut up and go to sleep and keep my thoughts and such to myself. I hope you all do well on your finals, happy holidays, drive safe wherever your going and remember the Gorilla loves you all, each and everyone of you.
Peace and much love.
-Jake

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

I may or may not be the cream of wheat man....

Hey gorilla groupies. That's right folks reports can neither confirm nor deny whether or not I am the cream of wheat mean or one of his direct descendants, ok enough of that. Sorry my posting has become so sporadic lately, Ihave just gotten very busy. Got my history test back, I got a 97, I kick myself for getting those 3 wrong but a 97 is acceptable and will have to do, still improvement is needed. I got a B on my first draft of my paper for Thorson, despite me knowing it was going to be bad that grade is unacceptable and I will be doing a lot of revising and rewriting before friday, just not now. I also have toread a book and do a book review for Bill on Thursday, Hence why I am blogging. I really need to pull a straight A semester to kick my gpa over 3.8 again and get back on track to achieving a tolerable gpa, right now it is simply unacceptable. Not much else is new here,pretty much life as usual, I try to sneak in some wow and dota when I can but its becoming more difficult these days, Especially with finals coming up. The semester went by pretty fast. I m also not a big fan of the holiays I havent had good luck with the holiday season for the last 7 years, something really bad seems to happen every year and I really dont expect this year to be any different. I also have to make some big decisions regarding my life coming up fairly soon, some people are aware of some they are not. If and when the time is appropriate then I will share if not I won't, but I will say some the stuff is fairly major. Don't worry it's nothing bad my parents arent dying and i'm not getting married or anything(that didnt work out so well for me the first time=(, actually it kinda left me in a wreck, anywayz enough about that I will just say some of the things am I considering are pretty big. Other than that nothing new or exciting to report, I ll try to blog again soon with more interesting and informative things to say,til then much love goes out to all my readers and friends out there, the gorilla loves ya.