Hey everyone. So basically I am writing because our school network really sucks which inhibits my wow playing ability. Unfortunately when I'm not playing wow or doing homework I start thinking...always a scary thing. I have been thinking a lot lately about the person I am and the person I wanna be. The problem I find is that I find myself wishing that I was the person I once was. How does someone become someone they already were? Or maybe I aspire to be a better person than I am actually capable of being.I just don't know at this point. I havea great number of questions and a very limited number of answers. I keep telling myself that if I keep going things will eventually get better, I hope someday this actually happens. Guess we will see what happens if and when I get into a decent law school. I'm not foolish enough to think law school will magically solve all my problems but maybe a new place would be helpful. However, I also realize that a man can't outrun his own memories and thoughts. Anywayz that's a look into my twisted mind. Scared yet? Remember I love everyone of ya who reads this. Peace and much love.
-Jake
Monday, November 06, 2006
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Hey Jake. So basically I am writing this because it is 6 in the morning and I'm not sure how I feel about sleep.
Patrick's Handbook For Changing Personhood:
Step 1: Decide if who you want to be is possible. (Nobody can be Hansmeier, or however you spell that gorgeous man's name.)
Step 2: Create a firm list of responses to situations that the person you want to be would do, and make an agreement with yourself to do it. (So, if you want to be more like me, you react to most situations by gibbering and pooping your pants.)
Step 3: During any given situation where you would normally do x but the person you want to be would do y, do y. (Especially if you don't want to, remember, you've agreed to it.)
Step 4: Repeat. (It doesn't work unless you always do it for a long time.)
Eventually the agreements you have made with yourself stop being an act/chore and start to be your natural reponse.
If you find that becoming what you want to be involves something you can't control, then agree to:
A- not factor that thing into the rest of your decision making tree.
B- try to ignore it the best you can.
If that thing makes it impossible to become what you want to be:
A- It is a real, physical contraint against your action. (I can't fly and neither can you. People under 35 can't run for President. You are poor.)
B- I doubt it exists, or that it 'actually' makes it impossible.
So, being a different person is only a question of actually wanting change.
You actually want change if you honestly believe that being the new person is qualitatively better than being the old person. Not changing assumes that:
1- You don't know how to, but I just exlained how, so that is not an excuse.
2- The new person is not better enough to warrant change, or not better enough for the effort. In this case you should stop wanting to be that person.
3- Being who you are now provides some other pleasure to compensates for the pain of not being the new person.
4- Change is actually impossible.
While this seems like an amazing simplification, I assure you it is not. (Well, it is, in fact I once read a rambling book on this, but that doesn't mean my simplified version is wrong.)
I use to be a much different person before I realized that being an asshole made my life significantly more fun.
So, if you say "I wish I was the person I once was" all you have to do is figure out what traits you desire that your pre-self had that you believe you do not and consitently act as though you had those traits. Eventually they'll come back to you.
Deus Lo Volt!
(Sidenote: Your mind isn't nearly twisted and scary enough, not very evil either. Also, my word verification is GOXLZ!)
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